Counselling in my perspective.
Counselling is an art and collaborative process.
Misconceptions and faulty beliefs about counselling are frequently prominent in our society. This often discourages people from seeking help and contributes to the stigma surrounding wellbeing. Prevents from having clarity in various dimensions of life, mainly mental health.
Myths spread across a wide spectrum. Here are some.
I am not weak to go to a counselor.
Only crazy people go to a counselor.
It is only for people who have problems in the mind.
People go to counselling only after a serious trauma.
It’s for people who have no one to talk to.
Counselling is pointless. It is just common sense.
Counselors just sit there, nod, and stay silent. And we have to pay for that!
Near divorce is the eligibility for marriage counselling.
Everyone will know I am seeing a counselor.
I have to tell all my secrets to the counselor.
Counselling fixes the mind and changes who I am.
A child going to the counselor is seen as mentally retarded.
Counselling is to vent out.
What I have come across practically over-
Some have heard of the ‘Talking Cure’ and believe that all we have to do is exchange some statements and they will be healed.
Few think – get some guidance and they will be cured.
Some think that a counselor knows what is in their mind and will tell them what their problems are and fix them.
Many think that they are not mentally wrong to meet a counselor.
I don’t have any addictions to meet a counselor.
Some take it so offensively and get humiliated by suggestions to meet a counselor.
Some think with the help of a counselor they can make anyone do what they want or feel is right to do.
Many think counselors can make them forget a lot of things, especially the past.
A few stopped talking to me and avoided me when they got to know I was a counselor.
The list goes long… let me stop here.
Being in clinical care I have noticed a large chunk of people do not know that the solution to their problems is most likely going to involve them taking more & informed responsibility for the state of their lives. Be it Managing their time, being more self-disciplined, learning to manage the “shadow side” meaning the unpleasant side of their self ( or bad wolf – state), learning to manage their emotions, manage their relationships better, managing physical health in terms of food, exercise, sleep, relaxation, lifestyle, stress and so on. Manage their minds, and have thoughtful conversations. Reconsider their economic perspectives and priorities. Understand their beliefs, fears, setbacks, and challenges. Get aware of the silly stories that they are holding on to.
Know their innate skills. Unlearn and relearn certain skills. Expand their consciousness.
Ideas that have become prevalent in counselling and psycho-cognitive therapies are that we have automatic thoughts or beliefs. They can be changed, ingrained, and evolved which are completely disconnected from the state of our bodies. This is not true. It is a cognitive trap. This Is one of the elements completely overseen and dismissed with statements. Counselling or any of such therapies individually no doubt are helpful if done right, and certainly DO NOT give a complete cure.
This unfortunately is evident as most supportive therapies are wrongly interpreted as alternative therapies. Let me repeat. They are not alternatives. They are supportive. They do assist incredibly when chosen at the right time and in the right circumstances. This is crucial and only an eminent skilled professional can handle it wisely. When these supportive therapies are used with insufficient knowledge and wrongly they cause the illness to become chronic. Conflicts are suppressed leading to more devastating consequences. Relationships are compromised or broken since unaddressed parts potentially grow into difficult unaddressable phases of bitterness.
I stress the major concern which gets the evidence. The elements and aspects that are overseen, unaddressed, and dismissed show up as a chronic health condition or a distinguished disease with a name over time. Or reached a point of no return in relationships and gets intolerable. This phase is most likely a palliate phase and the suffering, anxiety, fear, and money expenses can go over the roof. This is not worthy by any means. No one deserves this for anything in my view.
Looking at the evidence of consequential repercussions, any lighter, superficial way of addressing the situations that need critical intervention is not recommended at all. This not only has unwanted effects on the being, but also on the people around, be it in the family, profession, or social surroundings. The children around are the most affected by this and it hampers their psychological growth to a large extent. These are not seen by the naked eye like any physical ailment. But the damage is intense. What you don’t know could hurt you and many things around you.
Counselling is an art and collaborative process. Between the individual and the counselor. Grounded in specific interactions and dialogs, it provides a safe, supportive environment that allows you to talk openly with a counselor who is objective, neutral, and non-judgemental. Both will work together to identify and change the thought and behavior patterns, and elements that impact the well-being of a person, circumstance, or the environment. This facilitates a meaningful understanding and helps establish further movements.
By the end, one will not only have understood or solved the problem that brought them in but also will have learned new skills so they can better cope with whatever challenges arise in the future.
In aspects of health and wellness, it brings physical, mental, emotional health, and cognitive perspectives into a radical revolutionary transformation.
It is not very easy to express the shifts that happen in the mind all the time. As feedback, most say that they feel better, and light. Slept well after years. I had no idea what I was holding on to for so long. Some are perturbed more. Some things are triggered and feel quite uncomfortable. This is a process. It is not a fix-all or happily-ever-after ending.
I have received many kind words. One of which I would like to share here.
I have to admit that it is impossible to write a note on what exactly and the amount of depth and width has changed in my perspective. It is mesmerizing art. It is incomprehensible to reveal what is churning inside the counselor and the client’s mind. It is completely experiential in the mind at that current moment. A shift of paradigm.
- Counselling and coaching are entirely different.
- Psychotherapy and Counselling are not different. This is for the people who are AWARE. Yes, you heard it right.
- Psychiatry is completely different. The branch of medicine involves the study, diagnosis, and treatment of mental health disorders.
When to seek counselling or psychotherapy?
In our lives, we go through a series of normal, expected challenges. Sometimes individuals and families need support to cope with this.
Some events will affect how people function. As a loss of a pregnancy, a new baby in the family, a troubled adolescent, or coping with an aging parent.
Unexpected events like crises such as unemployment, a sudden or chronic illness, divorce, or a death in the family.
Group coaching is suggested in cases related to issues with social interactions, community crises, environmental crises, and sometimes in cases dealing with abuse.
In times of distress where signals include – Overwhelming anxiety or fear, Feelings of hopelessness, Sleep disturbances, Unexplained fatigue, Excessive weight gain or loss, Excessive loss or increase in appetite, Excessive alcohol or drug use, lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities, excessive indecisiveness.
Looking for help?
Seeking an efficient counselor to assist with life’s difficulties is a sign of courage and a step in the right direction.
Counselling/psychotherapy involves confidential sessions in which individuals, couples, or families. The length of the time and costs vary depending on the severity of the issue and the competency of the counselor addressing it. Results depend on the work and efforts that are put in by the individual in between the sessions and after the completion.
Think about the following points and ask yourself when you are ready to out for help.
Do you want to do psychotherapy/ counselling by yourself, with your partner or spouse, or with your children?
- What are your main goals for psychotherapy?
- If you’ll be paying out of pocket, how much can you afford?
- What would it mean for you not to go for it?
- What days and times would be convenient for you at the moment?
What is marriage and family therapy?
Marriage and Family counselling or Therapy involves addressing the behaviors of all family members and the way these behaviors affect not only individual family members but also relationships between family members and the family unit as a whole.
This treatment is usually divided between time spent on individual therapy and time spent on couple therapy, family therapy, or both.
When to choose this?
The range of physical and psychological problems that have been a part of marital and couple conflict, parent and child conflict, alcohol, and drug abuse, sexual dysfunction, grief, distress, eating disorders, and weight issues which seems generational, children’s behavior problems, issues with elder care, such as coping with a parent’s or grandparent’s illness dementia, or Alzheimer’s. It can also be helpful in mental health issues such as a family member’s depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, or life-threatening illness, and the impact these issues have on the rest of the family.
What to Expect in the Sessions?
For ease of focus, and the need to address the priority areas of concern, sessions are designed as Marriage counselling, Family counselling, One-on-one personal counselling, Group counselling, Child counselling, and so on.
Depending on the nature and severity of the problem(s) it is suggested after the analysis form. However, possibilities that require more sessions, during the process is to be evaluated.
How does it work?
One-to-one counselling sessions focus more on the individual.
Marriage or family therapy is a short-term session. In couple or marriage counselling, the sessions will begin by meeting with both partners and then spend some time with each individual. In family therapy, the counselor will also begin by meeting with the entire family and then, if appropriate, meet separately with individual family members. The first session is generally for information gathering, so the counselor can learn about the problem that brought you to therapy, get the thoughts of everyone involved, and observe couple/family dynamics. At the same time, you should be able to get a clear sense of the counselor’s role, the goals of treatment, and any “rules” to be observed in and out of sessions, such as who should attend which sessions and confidentiality of any information shared between and among partners or family members and the counselor. As clarity distills, you will identify individual family roles and behaviors that contribute to conflicts, identify specific challenges, and explore ways to actively resolve issues.
Marriage or family counselling examines how an individual’s behavior affects both the individual and their relationship as part of a couple or family. The theory behind this is that regardless of whether a problem appears to be within an individual or a family, getting other family members involved in the therapeutic process will result in more effective solutions. This is goal-oriented and works toward an established result. In the Real practical world, the results are related to how and what efforts all the individuals put in towards the goal.
Behavior change is difficult, consistency in practice is also key.
If you don’t change things, things won’t change for you.
It’s easy to fall back into old patterns of thought and behavior, so stay mindful and observant between sessions. Each individual involved has to notice how they’re reacting to things and take what they learn in sessions with the counselor and apply it to real-life situations.